I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.

Og Mandino

Does anybody ever really want to be out in the darkness when there’s a lovely, cosy, warm and welcoming room with a fire and a large pot of tea waiting for you at home? Don’t we all wrap up warm and set off, head down, to reach our destination as quickly as possible?

And yet, we’re missing out on potentially the most mind-blowing part of the journey: getting a small glimpse of just how small, inconsequential and insignificant we are in the Universe? And how we can choose our perception of that Universe to build better, be stronger, face adversity with a calm head.

Sometimes the point about life isn’t the destination. It is the journey. The journey will shape us and alter us, bend us into newer and stronger shapes and create within us new spirit and substance. The Dark? It’s an obstacle to overcome, and it can reveal great things about us or our fellow travellers.

At a certain point in Lord of the Rings, Frodo and Sam are stuck in Mordor, with the Ring of Power to destroy and no certainty that if they do that they will survive. Sam talks of the future, the stories that will be told of them, and Frodo, weighed down by the weight of the Ring and the burden of the quest, rebutts him: “We’re going on a bit too fast. You and I, Sam, are still stuck in the worst places of the story, and it is all too likely that some will say at this point: ‘Shut the book now, dad; we don’t want to read any more.’ ”

They do go on to succeed (spoiler!) but at a terrible price. Sam learns much about himself on that journey, and goes on to great things as a Hobbit. But at that point, the darkest point in the book, I find his hope in good things to come is an encouraging moment for me as the reader. Obstacles are there to be overcome. The things I learn about myself in overcoming them and conquering them are huge.

In The Obstacle Is the Way, Ryan Holiday writes of the Stoic belief that adversity, opposition, tempers us into better people. We learn from our troubles, we become resilient and perseverant. Learning to look at the things that are holding us back without fear, and to handle them, is an important life skill that we need to have in a world filled with trouble, anger and isolation. How we look at a thing alters how we respond to that thing. Taking the right action to overcome the obstacle builds resilience and perseverance. Having the self-will to take those steps matters.

I have a crazy fear of heights. Put me on a tall building, with a secure rail or wall in front of me and I will look over the edge, wave to the ground and gasp at the distance it is to the earth below. Put me at the top of a set of stone steps leading down 100 yards, no more, to a hidden glen in Wales and I am suddenly a shuddering wreck, fear overwhelms me, and I can no more beloiev myself capable of getting down than I can fly. Or, at least, that was me.

Last year I took my second son walking in Wales. We visited the Fairy Glen near Betwys-y-Coed. It’s literally down 100 yards of rocks and stone steps, a yard wide, but with no rails or handbars. When we arrived at the top, I took one look and stepped down one level. Panic. I felt I just couldn’t go any further. I turned to my son, explained the situation and sent him down with a request to photograph as much as possible. Then I waited.

But as I waited, I berated myself. Why was I such a wuz? Was I really saying I’d come to a Fairy Glen and then I wasn’t going to go? Was there another way? This was my obstacle: could I find a way round it?

I swear to you, anyone passing me by for the next 15 minutes (15 minutes for 100 yards) would have thought I was crackers. I turned around, I clung to the inner rise of the steps, I used all four limbs, creeping backwards and muttering to myself, encouragements and angry exhortations mostly. I stopped and gathered my nerves, before slithering much like a very fat, overweight Gollum to the bottom of the gorge. And it was well worth it.

Most gratifying of all was the look on my son’s face when he saw me. It was pride, congratulating me on being brave, laughter that 100 yards required such bravery anyway, and love. The Fairy Glen was a magical place and I know now that, ridiculous though I might look, I can and will find a way down to the magic places in the world. And it will be worth this.

Take the step into the darkness without fear. Where some see only the thickest night, look up, and see the stars. Set your course by them, move towards them, and take the obstacles in your path as learning opportunities. You’ve got this.

How does this apply to Christmas? That, too, is an obstacle defined by our perception of it. Look at the season dispassionately, search for the stars, find an alernative path. You’ve got this. Let the light be your guide.

How to Hygge the British Way is my gift to the world. I don’t get paid for writing it, I’m not in it for the kudos, financial rewards, to become an influencer, work with brands or otherwise make any money from the blog. That’s why there are no ads, and any products I mention and recommend have either been gifted to me or bought by me with my everyday wages or donations from supporters. Every book I review has been bought and read by me, unless stated otherwise.

I do get a couple of pennies each time someone buys from the Amazon links on my page, as an Amazon Affiliate, but otherwise if you’d like to support me, I like to give something back in return. That’s why I write books. It always feels good if you get a book back in return for some money. You can find a full list of my books at my Author’s Page on Amazon, but especially recommended for this time of year are:

Cosy Happy Hygge: Setting up a rhythm to life and rituals to enjoy it to make for a more balanced life that handles waves and storms better. Lent is a season of rituals and resets. The book has small and easy ways to make your life flow with grace and happiness, which lead to more hygge.

Happier: Probably my most personal book, it’s the story of how I used hygge and the little things in life to help boost my happiness. I still go back and reread to remind myself what I need to do to be a happy human. And it’s always the little things.

My Christmas books are always available: Have Yourself a Happy Hygge Christmas is a good place to start, on how to make the season cosier, happier. Celebrating a Contagious Christmas was written during covid year, but has useful advice on celebrating when times are hard anyway and Enjoying a Self-Care Christmas is a short e-book on keeping Christmas simpler, easier and better for you, your waistline and your budget. It even includes 25+ suggestions for self-care activities over Christmas, as simple as sipping tea, keeping a list journal or lighting a candle. Bigger is not always better for Christmas.

I’m currently working on two book projects: I have a hankering to rewrite 50 Ways to Hygge the British Way, so it’s not available at the moment, but even dearer to my heart and my next stated aim is to finish and publish my next book, Simple Plus Cosy = Hygge. It will be about homemaking and how the home we create shapes the hygge we have. Hopefully it will be finished by the end of spring/summer.

If you’d like to support me, but don’t want to buy a book, I have a Paypal.Me account as Hygge Jem. Every little helps, so even a few pence goes towards the books, goods and courses I use and recommend on the site. I’m grateful for every little bit that brings me closer to my dream of full-time writing, and I know I couldn’t still be writing if it weren’t for the support of many readers and friends out there. Thank you all for every little bit of support, emotional, physical and financial, you give me.

If you’ve enjoyed this article, don’t forget to share it or save it so others can enjoy reading, thinking about and living hygge as well.

The photo between post and promotions is by Laura Nyhuis on Unsplash. I’m using it from now until January as a real reminder of the power of light. I loved the simplicity of the shot, the focus on the one candle, the reminder that there are many lights out there if we open our hearts to them and the combination of candle and nature in creating a cosy Christmas.