Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.

J R R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

I wish it were only moonlight drowning out all but the brightest stars!

The other night I was out on the front path discussing the stars and specifically the Geminids, a meteor shower that happens around 13th to 15th December. The shower shows up best just after a new moon, when there’s no light shed by the moon and the delicate trace of rocks burning up in the Earth’s atmosphere can be seen.

We decided that between the bright glare of Jupiter, which could be clearly seen in the East and really outshone the other stars so much, and the inevitable glare of light pollution that is the price we pay for living in a city’s suburbs, there wasn’t much point even trying. We could (cloud allowing) sit in the cold for hours and miss even a glimpse of a whisp of a trail.

So we went inside into the warmth and had tea.

Moonlight, of course, is only a reflected light, as is Jupiter. Neither of them have their own real fire, create heat or light and are merely mirrors reflecting back the rays of the Sun which, when risen, blinds us to any other stars in the sky itself. Whether in the sky above us, or in the sky of the hemisphere below, the Sun’s light blinds us to bigger, brighter stars far away.

This happens in a metaphorical sense with strong characters as well. A domineering, forceful personality can overshadow a quieter, less self-promoting person or group of people. We could probably all think of at least one social group that is powered by the interests and abilities of one dominant being, whose likes and dislikes shape (subtly or not) the activities, or for whom everyone else will wait rather than decide an action or embark on an adventure. Whether you’re the moonlight or the overshadowed stars, it’s not the best of things. I think women, especially in middle age or menopausal women, realise they’ve happily been overshadowed by others for years because raising a family, running a home, just working in the outside world is enough there’s no way you could be the all-singing, all-dancing star as well.

I’ve read a lot about changing that, about stepping into your own light. I don’t know whether everyone feels the need to: we’re not all desperate to be the Star, after all, but I think in our own minds and hearts at least we should be able to be the leading lady in our own life. I can do no better than send you to The Holiday and urge you to watch it not for the beautiful cottages or the Jude Law/Cameron Diaz relationship but for the very real advice that Arthur Abbott gives Iris: she’s been playing the Best Friend, when she should have been playing the Leading Lady. There is no other change needed in your own mind than that. Clothes, actions, voice are all subtly altered when you recast your life with you front and centre. And that Jupiter that’s been flashing away and got the attention up to now? No more than a gasball. Go, gather up your gumption, channel your inner Irene Dunne and outshine the rest.

For more advice on entering the light, Four Steps to Get Out Of Someone’s Shadow is a useful post.

And for a small trace of fun… a reminder that small does not always mean small. Sometimes it means far away.

How to Hygge the British Way is my gift to the world. I don’t get paid for writing it, I’m not in it for the kudos, financial rewards, to become an influencer, work with brands or otherwise make any money from the blog. That’s why there are no ads, and any products I mention and recommend have either been gifted to me or bought by me with my everyday wages or donations from supporters. Every book I review has been bought and read by me, unless stated otherwise.

I do get a couple of pennies each time someone buys from the Amazon links on my page, as an Amazon Affiliate, but otherwise if you’d like to support me, I like to give something back in return. That’s why I write books. It always feels good if you get a book back in return for some money. You can find a full list of my books at my Author’s Page on Amazon, but especially recommended for this time of year are:

Cosy Happy Hygge: Setting up a rhythm to life and rituals to enjoy it to make for a more balanced life that handles waves and storms better. Lent is a season of rituals and resets. The book has small and easy ways to make your life flow with grace and happiness, which lead to more hygge.

Happier: Probably my most personal book, it’s the story of how I used hygge and the little things in life to help boost my happiness. I still go back and reread to remind myself what I need to do to be a happy human. And it’s always the little things.

My Christmas books are always available: Have Yourself a Happy Hygge Christmas is a good place to start, on how to make the season cosier, happier. Celebrating a Contagious Christmas was written during covid year, but has useful advice on celebrating when times are hard anyway and Enjoying a Self-Care Christmas is a short e-book on keeping Christmas simpler, easier and better for you, your waistline and your budget. It even includes 25+ suggestions for self-care activities over Christmas, as simple as sipping tea, keeping a list journal or lighting a candle. Bigger is not always better for Christmas.

I’m currently working on two book projects: I have a hankering to rewrite 50 Ways to Hygge the British Way, so it’s not available at the moment, but even dearer to my heart and my next stated aim is to finish and publish my next book, Simple Plus Cosy = Hygge. It will be about homemaking and how the home we create shapes the hygge we have. Hopefully it will be finished by the end of spring/summer.

If you’d like to support me, but don’t want to buy a book, I have a Paypal.Me account as Hygge Jem. Every little helps, so even a few pence goes towards the books, goods and courses I use and recommend on the site. I’m grateful for every little bit that brings me closer to my dream of full-time writing, and I know I couldn’t still be writing if it weren’t for the support of many readers and friends out there. Thank you all for every little bit of support, emotional, physical and financial, you give me.

If you’ve enjoyed this article, don’t forget to share it or save it so others can enjoy reading, thinking about and living hygge as well.

The photo between post and promotions is by Laura Nyhuis on Unsplash. I’m using it from now until January as a real reminder of the power of light. I loved the simplicity of the shot, the focus on the one candle, the reminder that there are many lights out there if we open our hearts to them and the combination of candle and nature in creating a cosy Christmas.