You know I love Christmas, don’t you?

You know I go to town decorating, love the process of baking, cooking, providing, getting food, giving food and every aspect of Christmas: TV, stories, days out. The Works.

And you know my Mum died on October 15th and we only buried her on November 19th?

So, this year is a very mixed, muddled Christmastime. I want to celebrate and to do everything Just Like Normal, but nothing is Normal. Nothing will ever be Normal again.

When I move through life at the moment I can be doing the silliest little thing and it will make me catch my breath and think of Mum and… whoomph. The tears appear, and I have to pause.

Or I am deep in something and really enjoying it, loving it, and I remember Mum will never physically be there to tell about this and… whoomph. A double whammy of tears and regret.

I’m not the only one: that’s my mantra for Christmas this year. I am not the first to lose a mother and be sleepwalking through a celebration. I will not be the last, either. Death is an inevitable part of the lifecycle. We have friends, a couple, and the husband lost his Mum about three weeks before me. I have friends in Church who have lost their parent this year. It’s a natural part of life.

Will it impact me, especially at Christmastime? Yes, of course it will! A lot of my traditions come courtesy of watching my parents at Christmastime and either consciously deciding to replicate or keep as far away as possible from what they did. When I eat my dark chocolate gingers, I will think of Mum and Nan, because one bought them for the other. When I put out the 3d Christmas cards of previous years, I will think of Mum who had me searching every little location (physically or online) to find them. When I sit and find a nativity to watch on TV or social media, I will think of Mum who wrote, directed and dressed more Christmas Nativities and plays than I could care to count.

I’m not feeling sociable. I don’t feel massively inclined to celebrate with big family meals or parties or get togethers with discos or designer buffets. I just want to spend time with my family. I think the only person outside of my nuclear family I’m inclined to let in is my Dad, who faces an empty house and the loss of the woman who Did Christmas for him. A pared-back Christmas, that’s the plan.

• I’m keeping decorations around the house simple: the tree, some lights, my favourite nativity scenes including the small Spanish one that Mum gave me last year. The wreath on the door, to remind me of the circle of life.
• I’m taking time during December to reflect on the year, to choose my Word of the Year and recover some equilibrium. Usually I try to squeeze the year review into Romjul (Twixmas) and end up frustrated because I want to spend time with my adult children as well.
• Romjul, then, will not be spent doing anything other than hanging out. We have a couple of excursions planned, to the theatre and a local Christmas Tree festival, and of course we’ll need to see Dad and spend time with him, but at least three days that week are set aside as pyjama days. That’ll drive my husband wild, but he can always pop into the office or visit his elderly relative if sitting watching the leaves or snow or clouds or whatever bothers him.
• Christmas food will need to be designed for a possibly Type 2 diabetic**. Less chocolate and sweets, more fruit, cheese and sparkling water. I’m thinking if I up the quality of the presentation (crystal drinking glasses rather than our plain Duralit tumblers) I can add class without maxing out the calories.
• I’ve no big gatherings planned, I have excuses ready for any that are being mooted, and I reserve the right to change my mind about going/not going at any second. This Christmas will be small, because somehow the absence is more noticeable in a big group than a small.
• I have entertainments that I like in and ready to go. Good books, a few classic serials, a new embroidery kit (embroidery, being something my Mum did, seems a good idea this year). I have a circuit for brisk winter walks, a fund for Cafe Americano at any local coffee shops, and a selection of posh teas to enjoy. I’ll write a book post at some point in December.
• Remembering the good times is important. I’ve got some photos of Mum and Dad together at Christmas and some of them at our house for Christmas. I’ll keep them close, perhaps put one or two on display. What I intend to do most is try and persuade my gang to let me have a photo of us all together to keep, not display, so we can look back and remember ourselves when the time comes.

And so, on to Advent. I actually feel like I’ll be approaching the season rightly at last: a quiet season of reflection, of preparation and of anticipation. Of getting ready for 2025 and what a new year may bring. This year, of all the years before, I have learned than you can plan, but you can never be totally prepared. Life, as they say, throws curve balls. I’ll do a separate post on my Advent preparations. I have no plans for mass posts, no series of thoughts or quotes or Big Things for the blog this December. Just random moments, quiet thoughts and small pleasures.

How about you? What kind of Christmas are you anticipating and planning for? Perhaps the world is pushing you to have a big, noisy Christmas and you want a small Yule celebration? Or are you up for the large family, laughter and loud music? I’d love to know.

** I don’t have a formal diagnosis, but I am reading the signs of my body and thinking…. gulp… perhaps prevention is better than cure, or perhaps I can cure before the diagnosis. I’m using Your Simple Guide to Reversing Type 2 Diabetes as my guide. Wish me luck.

How to Hygge the British Way is my gift to the world. I don’t get paid for writing it, I’m not in it for the kudos, financial rewards, to become an influencer, work with brands or otherwise make any money from the blog. That’s why there are no ads, and any products I mention and recommend have either been gifted to me or bought by me with my everyday wages or donations from supporters. Every book I review has been bought and read by me, unless stated otherwise.

I do get a couple of pennies each time someone buys from the Amazon links on my page, as an Amazon Affiliate, but otherwise if you’d like to support me, I like to give something back in return. That’s why I write books. It always feels good if you get a book back in return for some money. You can find a full list of my books at my Author’s Page on Amazon, but especially recommended for this time of year are:

Cosy Happy Hygge: Setting up a rhythm to life and rituals to enjoy it to make for a more balanced life that handles waves and storms better. Lent is a season of rituals and resets. The book has small and easy ways to make your life flow with grace and happiness, which lead to more hygge.

Happier: Probably my most personal book, it’s the story of how I used hygge and the little things in life to help boost my happiness. I still go back and reread to remind myself what I need to do to be a happy human. And it’s always the little things.

IMy Christmas books are always available: Have Yourself a Happy Hygge Christmas is a good place to start, on how to make the season cosier, happier. 

Celebrating a Contagious Christmas was written during covid year, but has useful advice on celebrating when times are hard anyway and Enjoying a Self-Care Christmas is a short e-book on keeping Christmas simpler, easier and better for you, your waistline and your budget. It even includes 25+ suggestions for self-care activities over Christmas, as simple as sipping tea, keeping a list journal or lighting a candle. Bigger is not always better for Christmas.

I’m currently working on two book projects: I have a hankering to rewrite 50 Ways to Hygge the British Way, so it’s not available at the moment, but even dearer to my heart and my next stated aim is to finish and publish my next book, Simple Plus Cosy = Hygge. It will be about homemaking and how the home we create shapes the hygge we have. Hopefully it will be finished by the end of summer 2025.

If you’d like to support me, but don’t want to buy a book, I have a Paypal.Me account as Hygge Jem. Every little helps, so even a few pence goes towards the books, goods and courses I use and recommend on the site. I’m grateful for every little bit that brings me closer to my dream of full-time writing, and I know I couldn’t still be writing if it weren’t for the support of many readers and friends out there. Thank you all for every little bit of support, emotional, physical and financial, you give me.

If you’ve enjoyed this article, don’t forget to share it or save it so others can enjoy reading, thinking about and living hygge as well.

The photo between post and promotions is by Alisa Anton on Unsplash. I like the pause it seems to hint at: the person, who has stepped out of the shot for a moment, has their book ready to read and hot chocolate on the point of perfection: they’ve lit their candle, and settled down to enjoy a fresh breeze before the autumn winds turn sharp and sarcastic. They just need… what? Their pen? A blank page to write a loved one a letter? Socks, or a throw? I love photos that drag you into making up a story.